Imagine Fannie's surprise when she arrived at the ballpark and discovered it was aloha shirt day at the A's game Anyone who wore an aloha shirt to the game got two tickets for the price of one and a chance at a trip to Oahu. Fannie was a little perturbed by the half price sale -- it was of no benefit to her because she was alone. Moreover, she had already purchased her ticket Fannie asked, but the ticket seller refused to give her a 50°/ refund. She decided to make the best of things, filled out the prize drawing slip, and took her seat to watch the warmups.

Fannie went to every game Candy pitched He was one of the very few players in baseball who was older than she was. As soon as she sat down, Fannie noticed that something was terribly wrong -- another pitcher was warming up in the bullpen When she questioned the bullpen coach, he told her that Candy couldn't pitch that night because he had broken a fingernail.

Fannie got up from her seat, marched right over to the customer service booth, and demanded her money back. If Candy wasn't pitching, she wasn't interested in staying. As she explained this for the fifth time to a series of A's representatives, the drawing for the trip to Oahu was conducted. Fannie was born under a lucky star and, sure enough, her name was drawn as the winner.

When the A's representative heard the news, he shook his head. "Sorry Fannie", he snarled, "you're not eligible. Remember. you didn't even know about the promotion until you got here And you're not staying. We have decided to refund the full price of your ticket But you are not going to Hawaii."

Advise Fannie

B Jose signed a three year contract with the A's in the offseason It was based on his soso performance in 1998 - a .280 batting average, 25 home runs, and 18 stolen bases Only his offensive performance was discussed. Jose's fragile body meant he could no longer play the outfield He was a designated hitter only

After Jose signed the contract, he began to take andro, a diet supplement that his friend Mark recommended to him Jose is now leading the league in home runs and stolen bases His body has gotten so strong that he is now playing right field every game.

Jose has a twin brother Ozzie who also plays baseball But Ozzie has spent his entire career in the minor leagues When Jose signed his contract with the A's in January, it was the standard form of agreement distributed by the commissioner of major league baseball Jose and the A's general manager had an oral side agreement that he and his brother would remain in the same organization so that one day they might fulfill their childhood dream of playing together in the major leagues. Yesterday the A's traded Ozzie to the Milwaukee Brewers

Jose has left a voicemail for you at your office He wants you to renegotiate his contract for a larger amount in light of his improved performance. And he wants you to stop his brother's trade. Advise him.

Note: All characters and teams are purely fictional.  Any resemblance to any person living or dead is simply coincidental